Breaking point
by DreamerJMLH
Summary: It was too much ... she couldn't take it anymore. Elena found her breaking point when her brother died. And turning it off was the only thing she could do to survive ... 4x15


Hi guys :)

This is my attempt on the episode 4x15. I think it was amazingly written and played by all actors but especially Nina Dobrev. So I thought I would write the scene again but this time adding more about the feelings in. Hope you like it and reviews would be great

xoxo

**BTW: I never wrote Elena … I always used the term she**

„Elena … you need help finding something?" Caroline asked her, worry already audible in her voice as she started to rummage through the kitchen cabinets, frantically searching for something. Stefan and Caroline were staring at her, unsure of what to do.

She had just admitted for the first time, that her brother was dead … gone forever. And both of her friends knew, that it meant that it was her breaking point. She herself had said, that Jeremy has been the only reason she held it all together and continued with her life, even though she had been at those low points so often, just wanting to end it all, the thought of her brother had made her want to survive after everyone else was gone.

"Got it …" as if it was nothing unusual, she pulled out a bottle of a liquid, used to start flames, out of the cabinet and poured it all over the kitchen. Caroline sprang up from her sitting place, shocked at what she was doing. She couldn't … She never would … Would she? For her, losing her brother meant partly losing her sanity.

"What are you doing?" Stefan asked, deep down already knowing what she planned to do. He never thought she would be capable of doing something like that, but in the state she was, everything was possible. Something inside her head snapped, before anyone could have realized it.

So what was she doing? Part of her didn´t know it herself, her body was acting on his own mind, she couldn´t help herself. What exactly she was doing, she still had to figure out.

"We need a cover story right?" she demanded while continuing to pour the liquid over everything that was near her.

"You think I didn´t hear you guys talking earlier?"

She needed to do something, they needed a cover story. They wanted one, so they should have one. Right then, she didn´t care, not a bit.

"What are we gonna say? Animal attack, tumbled down the stairs?" She was so sick of those excuses, half of the town knew, there never had been animal attacks and who would believe them with another story. So there she was, the confidence about her actions growing.

"No … We burn the house down." Both of her friends had hoped that she wouldn´t say it, that she was backing down. They knew she could be stubborn but right then, none was sure if they could talk her out of it. She couldn´t burn her own house, the house she grew up and had lived in for her entire life, down… right?

"Elena, stop it!" Stefan raised his voice in an attempt to keep her from doing it.

"Why?" "Because you don´t want me to be in denial?" She knew that she had been in denial, the way she had handled Jeremy´s 'death'. She didn´t want it to be true, it couldn´t be true. She pushed it into the back of her mind, she knew that. Wanting to act as if it was all gonna be ok, as if he would come back. And deep down she had known from the beginning, that there had been no chance to bring him back.

"Because the truth Stefan? This is the truth!"

"I don't wanna live here anymore."

"I don´t want these sketches" she continued, pouring the liquid over them. The ones, that had belonged to Jeremy. The ones that showed what he loved to do and what his talent was. The ones that reminded her of him.

"I don´t want this x-box" The one, her brother had always used as one of his favourite activities. The one, she knew had made him forget about his sorrows for a little while and allowed him to flee from reality. The one that reminded her of him.

"I´m not gonna need this bourbon anymore. Alaric is not here to drink it." There was the next, the next person she had lost, the one that had become a fatherly figure to her and from whom she knew, had loved bourbon just as much as Damon did. And again, it was something that reminded her of someone she lost.

Slowly, the tears followed within her actions.

"Are you willing to bring back every supernatural creature of the other side to get him back?" she asked all of them. Yes, it would mean to bring back Alaric, Jeremy … even Jenna. But it also meant it would bring back everyone that had died, not matter if that one stood on the good or bad side.

"Would you?!" This time she asked Damon, as he had appeared in the room. He was perfectly aware of what she was doing, all of her emotions, all of them … all that she had kept bottled up since her parents death finally came out. And that brought a storm with it, none was sure they were able to stop.

"I know you want your drinking buddy back…" Of course, Damon wanted Alaric back, him being basically the only real friend he has had. She knew about Damon visiting his buddy´s grave, the disappointment that came every time Damon had to drink alone, not being able to talk to his friend anymore.

"Would you?"

"Because I wouldn´t." She couldn´t do it as much as she loved her little brother, as much as she wanted him back it meant bringing everyone back … everyone.

She walked over to the couch, finally pouring it over her own brother, knowing exactly now, what she wanted to do. She hated it, she hated herself for doing it and still her mind wouldn´t let her stop.

"I don´t know, does that make me a bad person?" she cried while taking of her brothers ring. The ring, the damn ring that she actually had thought would protect him, would bring her brother back. But she had thought wrong, had put all of her hopes into a stupid little piece of silver that was supposed to protect and did not the slightest thing to change any of it.

"I- I have no idea" she continued while she threw the ring at Damon who caught it easily. Damon, Caroline and Stefan were watching her, shock all over their faces and in their mind. Partly they understood her, they couldn´t imagine having no family at all, losing everyone in such a short amount of time. But they couldn´t let her keep doing it.

"Elena stop it you´re scaring me" Caroline screamed at her, unsure what to do. Truth to be told, she scared herself with what she was doing. But who were they to tell her to stop, it was her decision, what she thought was right at that moment to do.

Suddenly, she grabbed a picture of her and Jeremy and poured the bourbon over it. It was the one item that hurt the most, that showed the happy times they´ve had and she knew she would never get back. But also that from then on, they would always be covered with the knowledge that they would never be able to create new memories.

"What else are we supposed to do with the body Caroline!" She knew just too well that it was not about the body, it was all about the grief she felt and that she wanted it all to end. She knew damn well, that she simply wanted to destroy the place that held all the memories.

"There´s no place in the Gilbert family plot" the picture crashed to the floor and the bottle followed immediately.

"I mean …" And suddenly all of it came crashing down. The faces of the people that she loved came flashing towards her, showing her how many she really had lost. It was not fair; none was supposed to loose so many people at once. In the time of a year she had lost all of her family, every single member and she would openly admit that it felt as if it was all her fault.

"Jenna…" her aunt that has stepped in after her parents passed away. Who has tried to fill their role a little bit and was always there for the two siblings. And then she died during a sacrifice … because of her.

"and John…" her uncle, from who she had found out has been her biological father who had given up his own life in order to save her from becoming a vampire and what has it all done, he died for nothing. A couple of months later she had become one. He died for nothing … because of her.

Silently she thought of the others.

Her parents, who had died, because she wanted to skip a family night for a horrible party and then had to pick her up. They died driving over the 'Wickery Bridge' … because of her.

And finally her own brother, because she wanted that damn cure so much that she put everyone else in danger for it and now … what had they now. It was over, the cure in Katherine´s hands and Jeremy dead … because of her.

It felt as it was all because of her. The guilt was too overwhelming, she couldn´t stop it. She was responsible for the death of her family, she alone. It was too much to bear, she couldn´t take it anymore.

"That´s the last spot" and the matchstick lightened up.

"Elena stop it" but she didn´t want to be stopped, the couldn´t and she didn´t want to be.

"There is nothing here for me anymore, Stefan!"

"Every inch of this house is filled with memories of the people that I love, that have died. My mom, my dad, Jeremy and Alaric, John … even John. They are all dead, everyone is dead!"

Wherever she looked at, whatever she saw, every single place, ever single item was linked with memories, good … bad … happy … sad. But they were memories … memories that reminded her of her life when she still had people to be with, when she still had people that loved her … when she still had a family. She didn´t have that anymore.

And it hurt, it hurt more than anything in the world to look at the house to see all of what she had lost and to be constantly reminded that she felt alone, left back.

"So what am I … How am I … How can I even … There´s nothing left for me … " The matchstick burned down and she let it fall, in the last moment being caught by Damon.

"Elena, I need you to calm down." But she refused to, she didn´t want to. How was she supposed to calm down if her whole family had been cruelly ripped away from her. She was 18 years old and all on her own how was she supposed to get through if she had no family to come back to.

And then she couldn´t hold it anymore, the tears and sobs getting louder as she screamed she couldn´t, over and over again. Falling to her knees not caring anymore who was around her. It was too much … it was way too much.

"Please make it stop, make it stop it hurts, please make it stop it hurts…" she couldn´t take it anymore. It was so much stronger than any physical pain she had ever experienced as it ripped through her body.

"Damon … help her…" Stefan told his brother.

She wasn´t able to hold it together, the tears and sobs wouldn´t stop as she started to scream through her pain, holding onto her stomach not knowing how to cope.

Damon bent down to his knees and wrapped his arms around her as she clung onto him, holding on for dear life as he whispered he could help her. But how could he … None could. They couldn´t bring her family back, they couldn´t take the pain away and get the days, where she had been happy, back.

"I want you to let me help" Damon told her as he softly stroked her hair in an attempt to calm her down. Suddenly, he took her head into his hand to make her look at him, caressing her cheeks.

"I can help you" he whispered, trying to assure her, that he really meant it.

"How?" She didn´t know how he wanted to help her, she had no idea what he could do.

He kept a stern look on his face as he told her as calm as possible.

"Turn it off …"

"What … no …" but he interrupted his brother with a simple gesture to show him, not to disturb.

"Just turn it off … Everything will go away … It´s what you have to do … It´s what I want you to do …

Just turn it off."

She knew what he meant, it meant turning off the one thing that let her feel pain, which let her be hurt. Turning off her humanity meant to make it all go away, to make it all better so that she wouldn´t have the guilt, the sadness, the hurt anymore. It meant she wouldn´t have to feel anything at all.

At that moment she knew it was the right thing to do, none is supposed to feel that much pain at once. And she knew she would break, not long before all of it would have crumbled down and destroyed her. Eating her up until the point where she knew that living had no sense anymore and she would take ending her life in her own hands.

Right then, it´s not just what he wanted her to do, it was not the sire bond that made her do it, it was herself, wanting to shut it all out, wanting to somehow to survive. She had no other chance she knew it.

And suddenly, something in the inside of her head snapped and it was all gone…


End file.
